The Patzer Chronicles, Vol IV

An interesting week for me in chess.  I played two live games and added another correspondence game to my list.  For those keeping score at home, I am now playing 5 correspondence games, all with the black pieces.  Four of the games are on chessworld.net and the other is on chess.com.

In addition to playing games when I can, I am also continuing chess study.  I work tactical puzzles almost daily.  Some online at different sites, such as chesstempo.com, others from a book I own titled, Chess: 5334 Problems, Combinations and Games, by Lazlo Polgar, father of the famous Polgar Sisters.  This is a massive tome containing over 5000 tactical puzzles and games.  I have been working on this book for years (off and on) and still haven't reached 1500 puzzles yet.  I highly recommend this book for beginning and intermediate players.  It will develop your tactics and keep them sharp.

Also this week, in the area of study, I obtained a public library card.  I used to love going to the library, but it's been over a year since I have had a card.  A little over a year ago, we moved from Mckinney back to Dallas.  Since then, I haven't bothered to get a card, until now.  But I digress.  Anyway, I checked out the book How to Reassess Your Chess, by Jeremy Silman.  I have the expanded third edition, but there appears to be a fourth edition published now.  I have heard great things about this book, so I decided to give it a try.  I love learning things from books.  So, I will see how it goes and, of course, report my reaction.

But enough of that, let's get to the games!

Live Chess


My first game this week was a blitz game (5 minutes/game) on FICS.  My opponent was Drawitz, a 1120 rated player.  My blitz rating was 1011.  Now, I suck at blitz.  I know it, you know it, everybody knows it.  So why do I keep playing it?  Well, I want to try to get better at calculating quickly.  I think playing at the faster time controls will help with this.  If I can calculate and analyze more quickly at the lower time controls, then when I have more time I can calculate deeper in the positons and make the better moves.  So I want to keep trying blitz as well as playing standard chess.

So, it was a 5 minute game and I had the white pieces for a change.  I played 1. e4 and he responded with 1. ..c5, the Sicilian defense.  I like playing against the Sicilian as White because it can be very sharp tactically.  I haven't tried it much as black, though, due to a lack of understanding.  After 2. Nf3 Nc6, 3. d4 cxd4, 4. Nxd4, he played 4. ..e5, threatening my knight. Now, the recommended move here is probably 5. Nb6, but I like to do things a little different.  I played 5. Nxc6.  Why?  I don't know.  It seemed more ambitious.  Besides, if he takes back with his d-pawn, I can play 6. Qxd8, forcing him to take back with the king, forfeiting his right to castle.  Chess theory states that this is not the best move, but sometimes you can get away with unusual moves in blitz.

He took back with his b-pawn.  I continued developing my pieces, queen knight to c3 and queen bishop to g5.  The latter move pinning his king knight, on f6, to his queen.  He played 7. ..Bb4, pinning my knight to my king.  I played 8. Be2 preparing to castle and he played 8. ..d5.  The game continued 9. Bxf6 Qxf6, 10. exd5 Qd6?!.  This loses a pawn (although 10. ..cxd5 appears to as well) and gives me (after 11. dxc6) the opportunity of a queen exchange that will give me the initiative and a rook on the open d-file.

I took his pawn on c6 and he traded queens with 11. ..Qxd1, 12. Rxd1.  He then castled king side and I played c7.  Here, I really expected Bb7.  It is a developing move and puts pressure on my g-pawn, pinning it to my rook.  But instead, he played 13. ..Re8?.  This allowed me to play 14. Rd8, threatening mate..  Again, moving the bishop was probably good here.  But he moved his king to f8, guarding his rook.  I played Bb5, attacking the rook again and threatening mate.  Now, he plays 15. ..Bd7.

Practically any move I make here I am winning at least a minor piece.  And I do end up winning one.  But, with the right move, I knew I could possibly checkmate, or queen my pawn, or be up a rook and a minor piece.  But I couldn't seem to figure it out.  There were so many good moves that I had trouble picking one and ran into time trouble.  I ended up playing 16. c8=Q, which was not the best move.  Rxa8 looks like the best move.  It would have left me up a rook, knight, and pawn.  Instead, I was merely up a knight and scrambling to keep from losing on time.  His rook was more active than mine (I still had not castled) and I just ran out of time.  But it was good game for me.  I took advantage of my opponent's blunders and had a winning attack.

With the loss, my blitz rating on FICS dropped to an abysmal 957.  But I have a feeling it is going to get better.

My second game was played at Chess.com with a 15 minute time limit for a change of space as well as a change of pace.  My opponent was a 1038 rated player named Tural2b.  Again I had the white pieces (two in a row! shock!  horror!).  The game started 1. e4 e5, 2. Nf3 Nf6.  This is known as the Petrov, or Russian, defense.  It has a reputation as a timid, drawish opening.  I believe the main line is for white to play 3. Nxe5.  But I don't know why, or how to continue from there, so I just played 3. Nc3, protecting my pawn.  The game continued 3. ..d6, 4. d3 h6, 5. Be2 a6, 6. 0-0 Be6, 7. b3 Nc6, 8. d4.  Here, my opponent made a dubious move that may have cost him the game.  He played Qd7.  This allowed me to play 9. d5, forking his knight on c6 and bishop on e6.  He decided to sacrifice the bishop with 9. ..Bxd5, although he might have created some counterplay with 9. ..Bh3!?.  I am not sure.  I will have to analyze that to see if there is anything there.

The game continued 10. exd5 e4, 11. dxc6.  I thought this move won me a second piece.  But after he played Qxc6, I saw that if I saved the f3 knight, his queen simply grabbed the c3 knight, also threatening my queen rook.  So I played 12. Bb2, protecting the knight.  It continued 12. ..exf3, 13. Bxf3 (threatening the queen) d5?.  A blunder.  After 14. Nxd5 Nxd5, 15. Bxd5, the queen must move and both my bishops are on the long diagonals pointed at his rooks and his king is still on the open e-file.

The game went on 14. Nxd5 Nxd5, 15. Bxd5 Qc5, 16. Re1+ Be7, 17. Bxg7 Rh7, 18. Bf6!.  This wins either a piece or the exchange (queen for rook).  But the next couple of moves were the killer.  18. ..Rd8, 19. Bxe7 Rxd5??, 20. Bxc5 with discovered check, losing the queen, and black resigned.

I win!  I win! (yay, me!)  OK, I don't want to sprain my arm patting myself on the back.  But it is nice to get a win in against a human opponent after 6 straight losses.  This was my first standard game on Chess.com, so my initial rating of 1200 jumped to 1318 with the win.

Overall, I would say I am pleased with my live play this week.  I had good chances to win both games and managed to pull one of them out.  Hopefully, things are looking up.



Correspondence Chess


First, we'll discuss the new game that I added.  Yeah, I know, I was just complaining about spending too much time on correspondence and not enough on live chess.  But, I like correspondence and I wanted to try out the French defense.  Besides, who's bloody quest is this anyway?  Just kidding.  I love you all like family.  Maybe even more.  But I digress.

The new game I started is against my "welcomer" on Chessworld.net, Joe Wurdak.  He is rated 1892 and has many awards and honors on the site, so I am a little intimidated.  Plus, this is my first rated game on chessworld.net.  If you recall, last week I wasn't sure if one had to be a full (paying) member to have rated games or not.  The game is just starting.  I am playing the French defense, but there's nothing to report yet.

My game against Dodger is going well.  I am up a rook and bishop in this game and he appears to be in real trouble.  He cannot castle his king.and his pieces are not very active.  I cannot see any compensation for his lost pieces.  This may be over soon.

In the game against Kootenays, I am still up a pawn and the queen side is really starting to open up.  The position still looks very dangerous for both sides.  I am waiting now to see if he wants to trade bishops, trade rooks or perhaps some other nefarious doings.

The game against Mukanya is anyone's guess.  I have a feeling I am about to go down in flames, but I just can't see how.  I think my position is solid.

My game on Chess.com, against Xadrezenico is still up in the air through 19 moves.  I am up a pawn and I have created a passed pawn.  He has also made a couple of questionable moves, giving me the initiative.  Not that I know what to do with it.  But I am about to get the rest of my pieces developed, connect my rooks and, hopefully, begin a successful attack.  I think I have played well in this game.  Here is the current position:



I am black.  It is white to move.  My last move was 19. f6.  Depending on what he does, I plan to develop the knight on the next move and possibly bring the queen rook over to threaten the backward pawn at d3.  We shall see.

Alright, that's enough chess for one week.  Sorry I got so wordy in the Live section.  But I was just happy to finally win a game and play well enough to win the other one (damn time pressure!).  I'll try to be a bit less verbose in the future.  And now that I have figured out a way to post board graphics, maybe that will be possible.

Until next time, happy mating!

The Patzer Chronicles, Vol III

I had intended to post once in week in my Quest for 2000, but we all know about good intentions.  Somehow, despite having the entire week from Christmas to New Year's Day off from work, I couldn't seem to manage much time to devote to chess.  Well, live chess anyway.  I still spend an inordinate amount of time on correspondence chess (more about that later).  But my live chess activity is almost non-existent.  Here's how the last two weeks have laid out:

Live Chess


Only two games played in the last two weeks, both on FICS.  Both were also losses.  I have now lost 4 straight games on FICS and 5 out of 6 games since I began my quest.  A very inauspicious beginning indeed.  However, these last two games were the first played at a standard time control (15min./game) and were both against higher rated opponents.  And, in one of them, I had created a very formidable attack that left me one move from mating my opponent had he not played correctly and had I not blundered (big surprise).  Let's discuss that game first.

The first game I played as black against a player named jmnovff, rated 1591.  I played a Scandinavian defense (1.e4 d5).  I went down a piece early, but had a good attack with doubled rooks on the h-file.  Unfortunately, I missed a tactic and allowed my opponent to trap my queen.  On the 21st move, I missed a tactic of my own that would have allowed me to get the queens off and be up the exchange (2 rooks and a knight vs. a rook and 2 bishops) in the endgame.  The move I did make cost me my queen and the game.  My standard rating dropped from 1583 to 1475.  Still, despite losing and missing some tactical shots, I did manage to garner an attack against my opponent's king in one of my favorite king pawn openings.

I played the next game on the same day about 30 minutes after the end of the first one.  It was also standard time control of 15 minutes per game and my opponent was named Tornek, rated 1714.  I, again, had the black pieces.

• A quick rant:  Am I the only player on the internet that doesn't choose "white" as their color of choice when seeking a game?  Am I ever going to play chess online, be it live or correspondence, with the white pieces?  I mean, really.  Can it really just be coincidence that out of 11 games started, I have gotten the white pieces once?  And that was against a computer opponent.  It's not that I don't enjoy playing the black pieces.  Actually, I often prefer it.  It gives me the opportunity to stifle the opponent's attack and counter with my own.  But 10 out of 11 games???  This is ridiculous.  I know, I know.  I could ask for white when seeking a game, but I don't like that.  I feel it should be random.  That is part of the fun.  If I did that, I would be no better than all the others.  I guess I should just shut up and play black.  This rant hasn't turned out to be so quick after all, has it?  Well, maybe if you read it really fast...

Okay, back to the game.  This started out as a Guioco Piano, or Italian game (1.e4 e5, 2. Nf3 Nc6, 3. Bc5).  For some reason, I went a little nutty and played 3. ..b5?.  While this move attacks white's bishop on c4, all it really does is blunder away a pawn for no compensation.  After he took my pawn, I then played 4. ..a6, allowing him to play 5. Bxc3, completely destroying my queen side pawn structure.  He then took my e-pawn as well.  Before I knew it, I was 4 pawns down and couldn't stop his marauding band of pawns from storming my queenside.  So, I resigned.  On the plus side, since he was rated 1714, I didn't lose many rating points for this loss.

As of now, my standard rating on FICS is 1438.  My blitz rating, with no activity, remains the same at 1011.

Correspondence Chess


I am back up to 4 games of correspondence chess.  Quite by accident, really.  On Chessworld.net, I clicked a link looking for information about their Pyramid Chess.  Basically, this is a ladder-style challenge system where one can challenge (as white) a player on the same level or one level up on the "pyramid."  But apparently, the link automatically signs you up for play.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to add another game yet, so I abstained from challenging anyone.  Of course, that doesn't stop other players from challenging me, which is what happened.  So I am playing another correspondence game, as black of course.  This brings me up to 4 games, all with black (Must...fight...urge...to...rant!).

The first game is the only one I am presently playing on Chess.com.  It is against xadrezenico, rated 1210, and I am not sure how I stand so far.  On move 10, I checked with my queen.  He blocked with his queen, offering a trade.  I decided to take it because the continuation, while very sharp, looked dangerous for me.  So, for once I took the safe route.  Now I don't know.  The position seems equal.  I am not sure how to proceed now.

My first game on Chessworld is against Dodger, rated 1400.  In this game, I am a pawn down, but I am about to at least win the exchange, or possibly win a whole rook, by forking his king and rook with my knight.  Unless, of course, I have missed something.  Anyway, the queens are off and if I can go up a rook or the exchange, I feel I have a good chance to win this.  Plus, he will lose castling privileges, thereby leaving his king vulnerable in the middle. Things are looking up here.

In game two, I am playing Kootenays, rated 1794.  I am up a pawn through 13 moves, but I have doubled pawns on the c-file and he has a strong looking pawn storm on the queen side.  My position is cramped a bit and my light squared bishop is blocked in.  I need to find a way to neutralize the pressure and open up the position to provide counterattacking opportunities.

My last game on Chessworld.net is against Mukanya, rated 1320.  The position here is a bit strange.  My opponent has his light-squared bishop (LSB) blocking his d-pawn.  I have tried to develop normally, but I am just not sure of the position.  But, we are only on move 6, so there is still a ways to go (hopefully).

One other thing about Chessworld:  all the games I am playing are unrated.  I am not sure, but I think you have to be a paying member to have rated games.  I will have to find out.


So that's it for this week.  I'll try to get back to posting an update every week now that the holidays are over.  I'll also try to play more live chess.  I am also studying when I can.  I do several tactical problems almost every day.  I am also working through the tutorials and drills in Chessmaster 9000.  But I think I really need to play more games and perform analysis on them to learn where I am making mistakes and where I can improve.

After all, that's what this quest is really about.  Improving my chess game, not increasing my rating.  Although, being successful in the former will, without a doubt, affect the latter.

Until next week (or two), happy mating!

Scattermusing While Wondering Whatever Happened to Billy Kilmer

Ah yes, the Washington Redskins during the 1970s.  George Allen and the "Over the Hill Gang".  As a Cowboy fan, I got to see the Redskins at least twice per season.  Ah yes, the hated Redskins.  With the possible exception of coach George Allen, no Redskin was more hated than Billy Kilmer, the worst quarterback to ever beat the Cowboys on a consistent basis.  And the worst passer the league as ever known.  Until Tim Tebow.  Oh, the memories.

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After watching Tim Tebow the last couple of weeks, I have to state that he is NOT overrated.  He hands off the ball as good as any quarterback in the league.

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If you don't believe there are a lot of lonely people out there, just go in a chat room on Christmas eve or Christmas day.

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Speaking of Christmas, thank goodness THAT's over.  I don't think I could stand another moment of peace, joy, and goodwill toward men.

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If you ever consider becoming a vegetarian and can't seem to find the motivation, try watching the movie "Fast Food Nation."  It will make you want to stop eating beef.  Or at least, never eat a fast food burger again.

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And then there was the woman who came home from her doctor's appointment and flitted about from room to room with an energy level her husband had never witnessed before.  So he asked her, "What are you so happy about?"
She replied, "The doctor said I have the breasts of an 18 year old."
The husband quipped, "What did he say about your 45 year old ass?"
The wife said, "Your name never came up."

The Patzer Chronicles, Vol. II

This was a sobering week in my quest for 2000.  I played 3 live games online while also continuing with my correspondence games.  Here's how things panned out:

First, correspondence.  One of the four games I am involved in got aborted by my opponent.  A player can abort a game within the first 10 moves without affecting the ratings of either player.  The other 3 games are still in progress, all in the opening phase.  I think I have an advantage in one of them.  My opponent appears to have blundered with a bishop move.  He now has had to move the bishop back to avoid losing it.  That has given me, as black, a tempo and a lead in development.  I also have a stronger pawn center.  I haven't found any tactical combinations that he could use to hurt me, so I think I may be alright.  Still, I can't help thinking it's a trap.  Yes, I'm paranoid, but is it paranoia if they really are out to get you?

In the other two games, things are looking very dicey.  I am black in both the games and I think my position is solid, but any inaccurate play could doom me.

Which brings me to the next aspect of correspondence play.  I seem to be spending a considerable amount of time evaluating my next move.  Is that normal?  How much time does the average player spend?  I'm not talking about how quickly I make my move.  I mean the amount of time spent looking at the position and calculating variations.  Should I be spending that much time on it?

I am not really concerned (much) about spending too much time on it.  This is simply my curiosity about how I compare to other players in this aspect.  I am enjoying the time that I spend analyzing.  It stimulates my brain and, hopefully, increases my education in chess theory.  But I am still curious about the amount of time.  So any correspondence chess players out there, please comment on how long you spend (just guess if you have to) on calculating your next move, especially in the opening phase of the game.

Now for live chess.  I played one 10 minute game, with black, on FICS and was unceremoniously crushed.  This dropped my blitz rating to 1011.  The other two games were played on Chess.com.  The first game I played, a win with white, was against a computer opponent rated 1188.  It was a 5 minute game, which I won in 29 moves and achieved a rating of 1361.  However, that was short lived.  My next game was with black against a human player in a 10 minute time control.  I lost in 27 moves and my rating plummeted to 1180.  So now I have a record of 1 win and 1 loss on Chess.com.

The losses have really started to hurt my confidence.  And the one win this week really doesn't help much because it was against a low rated computer opponent.  At this rate, the quest for 2000 could run into my retirement years.  Oh well, if it was easy everyone would do it.

I have the entire week between Christmas and New Year's day off from work.  So I am going to try to play more chess, especially at longer time controls.  I would like to play a minimum of 15 minutes/game and see what I can do with my standard rating.  I may also get in on some tournaments.  They have several every day at Chess.com.  The time controls vary from 1 minute up to 15 minutes per game.  The tournaments run from 3 to 7 rounds.  Most likely, they are Swiss system or round robin type of tournaments.  I think it will be a good way to test my skills and get some seasoning in the online chess world.  Plus, it will be fun!

So until next time, happy mating!

The Patzer Chronicles: Vol I

If you didn't already know by reading my previous post, Quest for 2000, I am on a quest to improve my chess game and, hopefully, reach a rating online of 2000 ELO.  Now that is a lofty goal, and will take a great deal of study and focus.  2000 is expert status as chess goes.  Not easy to attain.  But, if it was easy, everyone would do it.

So anyway, this is the first of a series of posts that will chronicle my journey.  Enjoy!

Well, this week I only managed to play one live game online, a 5 minute game, with the black pieces, against a 1174 rated opponent.  I lost.  I tend not to play games with time controls less than 10 minutes (though I prefer 15) because it doesn't seem to give me enough time to think and I end up losing on time, which I did in this game.  Although, chances are I would have lost anyway.

I blundered away a knight early in the game.  Although I did manage to get some counterplay on the king side and eventually won the piece back.  But my queen side was a shambles and my opponent managed a passed pawn that, due to time pressure, I couldn't figure out a way to stop from promoting.

However, this wasn't the only chess I played this week.  I reaquainted myself with two websites that I had registered at a couple of years ago, but had forgotten about.  Chess.com and chessworld.net.  Here, you can not only play live, but correspondence chess as well.  Correspondence chess, also known as Postal chess, was once played through the mail service.  Players would mail moves back and forth to each other.  Today, with the internet, play is done online or through e-mail.  It is a very interesting way to play.  There is no real time pressure to speak of.  Time controls run anywhere from 1 to 5 days per move, or more.  Also, depending on the rules of the web host, you can use reference materials, such as opening books to plan your strategy and help analyze the position.  You can also set up the position on a board and move the pieces around to try different combinations.  In this sense, correspondence chess is more of a learning experience than a competition.

Some web sites allow the use of computer chess engines to analyze positions.  But I don't think I will use one even if it is allowed.  I want to learn to analyze and calculate on my own.  I don't want to depend on an engine to find my moves, even if I lose without it.  The idea, for me, is to improve my chess skills.  Using a machine to evaluate a move or position won't help me much with that.

So, I am now a correspondence player.  This is my first foray into this style of chess.  I currently have 4 games in progress, 2 at each of the sites above.  That is another advantage of correspondence chess.  With the long time between moves, you can manage to play several games at one time.  It is very early in my games, but so far I am enjoying correspondence.  I wasn't sure that I would.  I didn't think I had the patience to wait several days for my opponent to move or spend extra time evaluating the position.  But it has been rather pleasant.

By the way, I highly recommend both Chess.com and Chessworld.net.  They both have great features and massive resources for chess lovers to enjoy, both novice and master.

Chessworld.net is run by Tryfon Gavriel, better known as Kingscrusher to chess enthusiasts.  Tryfon is a FIDE Candidate master and a British regional master who produces youtube videos analyzing chess games and teaching chess principles.  He even does commentary on his own live games while he's playing them!  I highly recommend subscribing to his channel.

One more shameless plug.  If you are looking for a chess forum and game database, look no further than chessgames.com.  Chessgames has a database of over 600,000 games, each with it's own "kibitzing" page.  It is free to register and post on the many forums, but I would recommend becoming a premium member.  It opens up a world of wonderful features, all for the very reasonable price of $29US per year.  The members and visitors of this site are very friendly, knowledgeable and helpful.  Many professional chess players, including grandmasters comment on the forum.  As a premium member, you can even have your own personal forum!  The amount of  features available is too long to list here.  Check it out!

That's all for now.  I am going to try to post once a week to update my progress and define my goals and plans.  This week, I will try to play more live games online.  If anyone is interested in playing against me, I usually play at FICS, or you can try chess.com or chessworld.net.

Until next time, happy mating!

The Quest for 2000 (but I'll settle for 1500)

I am a chess player.  It is a game that I find both enjoyable and perplexing.  The vast amount of opening theory alone is enough to fill a bank of super computers.  But I suppose that is what I love about it.  It is a game of unlimited challenge.  It is practically unsolvable (though the computer engines are hard at work trying to prove otherwise).

I don't get much of a chance to play chess.  When I do, it is usually against one of the personalities in Chessmaster 9000, the computer game.  Practically no one I know in real life plays chess.  So when I grow weary of silicon-based opponents, I turn to the internet.

My favorite place to play (read: the only place I play) is the Free Internet Chess Server, or FICS.  As the name implies, it is free to play here and it is always easy to find a game, no matter what your skill level or time control preference.  And, if you don't want to use the web interface on FICS, they offer several graphical interfaces that are powerful and easy to use.  I use Babaschess which is the most popular of the interfaces, but there are lots of choices.  There are even ones for mobile phones.

To play chess on FICS, you don't even have to register, you can play as a guest.  However, if you want to play rated games, and thereby earn a rating, and play tournaments, then registration is required.  I play under the handle of DissidentAggresor.  Although I have been a member at FICS since 2007, I have only managed to play 8 games (7 rated).  That's not exactly an accelerated pace.  As I said, I rarely manage to find time for chess, especially against living, breathing opponents.  I think that's why I play so much against my computer.  Time is not as much of a factor.  I can pause the game or start and stop whenever I want.

Anyway, my rating on FICS is presently 1282 for blitz (5 games) and 1583 for standard (2 games).  My record for blitz (any game less than 15 minutes per player) is 3 wins, 1 loss, 1 draw.  The 3 wins came in two 10-minute games and one 12-minute game.  In standard time controls, I managed 1 win and 1 loss (both 15 minute games).  I prefer standard time controls to blitz because I'm a slow thinker.  But it is easier to find opponents at the shorter time controls.  Still I try to play a mix of game lengths.

So, why am I telling you all this?  Because I have decided to play more chess online.  I want to improve my chess.  I want to achieve a rating of 2000 in either blitz or standard or both.  Now a rating of 2000 is a lofty goal in chess, even on an online chess server.  So I threw in the caveat that I will settle for 1500.  Now, my current standard rating is 1583, but because I have played so few games, it most likely isn't very accurate.  My ratings would be what FIDE, the World Chess Federation, calls provisional.  FIDE requires that you play at least 20 rated games before your rating becomes standard.  So I have a ways to go.

So let the quest begin!  I will continue to post updates as I go along.  My goal is to play at least one game every week, hopefully more.  I guess you could say it's my move.

Scattermusing While Wondering What Ever Happened to Rod Hull (and his Emu)

OK, new rule:  you must be at least 25 years old in order to publish your biography/autobiography.  Make it 30 years old.  I mean, really.  It was bad enough when what's-his-name, the football player, published "Give Me the Damn Ball" at the tender age of 22.  But now, what do I see on the bookstore shelves?  A biography of Bristol Palin.  Who's only claim to fame is being the pregnant teen daughter of the governor of Alaska, and former Vice-Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin.  She's 20.  I mean, other than listening to her justify having sex with her boyfriend at the age of 17, without using protection, mind you, what else do we really need to read about her?

Then, there is Justin Bieber who, despite the fact that he looks 12 (my darling wife assures me he's 18), has his own biography on the shelves, "My Story So Far."  His story so far?  Couldn't that fit into a pamphlet?  Granted, he's a big celebrity, but could you really stretch the first 18 years of someone's life into several hundred pages?

And here's the other thing, you know that this won't be the last time these two, and others like them, grace the book shelves.  I guarantee Bieber's not done writing his memoirs.  And Palin assuredly isn't either.  So why should I waste perfectly good money on the first few chapters of a serial?  Wouldn't I be better off waiting for the whole story in the second, third or fourth publication of "their story so far?"  I think so.

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Just because you don't care what others think about you, that does not make it acceptable to be an asshole.

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Homosexual marriage should be banned.  Heterosexual marriage should be banned.  Let's just ban all forms of marriage, shall we?  That way, we could all live with and love whomever we please without the church, the government, and the "moral majority" sticking their noses in it.  For those who wish to hate, don't worry.  You will still have that privilege.  You just won't  have any political leverage to force your opinions on the rest of us.

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Notepad ++ is like Notepad on steroids.  Outstanding!

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And then there was the Aggie who thought a football coach had 4 wheels. (I wonder how many wheels it does have)

In the Name of Jesus, Where the Fuck are They?

Last night there was a pool of blood at the bottom of the stairs outside my apartment.  The blood belonged to a young man, no more than half my age, who, due either to a fatal misstep or a glass too much, plunged from the third floor landing to the concrete below.

He was attending a birthday party at the apartment of a young couple that live directly above me.  The party was loud and boisterous.  And, of course, the drink flowed freely, or so the smell of alcohol on some of the other party-goers would indicate.  When he fell and hit the ground it seemed to shake the entire apartment building.  There were screams and the sound of hurried footsteps on the staircase.

I was not home at the time.  Mrs. B related the story to me later.  She went out to see what the commotion was and was staggered by the scene.  My glorious wife is made of pretty stern stuff.  It takes a lot to rattle her.  Believe me, I know.  I've tried.  But the sight of copious amounts of blood gushing from a young man's skull will shock anyone.  As the man's friends ran to his aid, bringing towels and rags to help stop the bleeding, Mrs. B called 911.  The operator said they had already received several calls for the incident.

My wife went back out to see if she could help.  Of course, there's not much one can do in a situation like that, except pray.  And pray she did.  She raised her hands to God and asked for help for that poor young man in Jesus' name.  Many of the man's friends did the same.  Our downstairs neighbor came out and laid hands on the victim, praying to Jesus.

It seemed to take forever for the paramedics to arrive.  At one point, one of the young man's friends cried out, "In the name of Jesus, where the fuck are they?"  Many people would be shocked and disgusted to here the Lord's name used in such a way.  But to me, somehow, considering the dire nature of the situation, it seems appropriate.

I'm not really sure why I felt the need to write about this.  Perhaps to show how fine the thread is that holds us in this life.  And how, especially at a young age, we tend to take immortality for granted.  Let's face it, no one goes to a party thinking, hey, I may not get through this night alive.  He was probably just thinking about getting drunk and having a good time.  Maybe about the possibility of getting laid later.  Or maybe, if he was married or had a girlfriend, ruing the fact that he had to go home with, or to, her later.

Neither my wife nor I know whether this young man lived through the night or went to meet his Creator.  He regained conciousness at some point before being taken away in the ambulance but with a traumatic head injury one can never predict the outcome.  He left behind nothing to show he was ever there, except for a thick, dark, red pool of blood congealing on the concrete breezeway and a few bloody hand prints made by his friends as they ran up and down the staircase retrieving items to help save him.  Mrs. B cleaned the hand prints from the railing after I got home from work that night.  Today, when I went to work, the concrete had been washed clean of any indication of how precariously a young life had hung in the balance just a few hours before.

I remember when my wife told me that the gathering upstairs was a birthday party, I thought, I hope it wasn't his birthday.  Then I realized that it didn't really matter.  Now I keep thinking, I sure hope it wasn't his last.

Where Are All The Robots?

The purpose of this post is two-pronged.  First, here I am with a blog titled, "Robot Rhetoric" and yet, outside of my profile mentioning that I am a wannabe roboticist, you won't find one mention of robots or robotics anywhere in the entire blog.  I plan to remedy that (I can hear the yawns already).

But really, robotics is one of my life long passions.  Which is why I chose the name for this blog.  However, I have not been very passionate about this particular interest lately.  Like a lot of things it had been pushed to the back of a cluttered drawer and gathered dust.  After starting this blog, I found that I had nothing to write about robots.  I had not been keeping up with any of the innovations or advances in probably the last 15 years.  The dust had grown thick.  That has begun to change.  I have now scoured the internet and found sites that have articles, videos, news and all the fun stuff I had been missing.  I have a lot of catching up to do and I plan to share it here with all the fans of this blog (both of you -- thanks Mom and Dad).

The second prong has to do with the lack of robots in general society.  I mean, by now, at least according to those "The Future is Bright"-type films and TV shows (in glorious black-and-white) that I saw as a kid, we should have robots to do everything for us -- cook, clean, do the shopping, make repairs, babysit the kids.  But, like the flying cars and interplanetary travel, it just never materialized.  Sure, you can get a small robot to vacuum your floors (iRobot Roomba) or a larger one to mow the lawn (Lawnbotts, or Robomow).  You can buy your kid a RoboRaptor from Lego or a robot puppy dog (Aibo) from Sony (oops, if you want an Aibo, you'll have to buy it used.  Sony pulled the plug on it.  See what I mean?  Out of touch).  But that's about it as far as consumer robots go.  What about the robot chauffeur?  Or Rosie, the robot maid from the Jetson's?  Where are all the robots?  What happened to the robot revolution?

Well, it's happening.  Slowly.  Very slowly here in The States.  Japan, Korea, and Germany all have a national robotics agenda.  America does not.  This could put us way behind in the field of technology, a category in which we have always been a leader.  What does not having a national agenda really mean?  It means a lack of capital investment in robotics research and development, at the government, academic, and industrial level. There are a few signs that this will change.  Let's hope it does.

Why hasn't the robot revolution happened already, as all the sci-fi (and SyFy) prophets predicted?  Well, people always tend to think that things will happen faster than they do; that technology will jump ahead like a lightning bolt.  And that does tend to happen, but, like lightning, it's only in short bursts followed by longer periods of apparent inactivity.  Think of it as the occasional lightning bolt without the rolling thunder.  Instead of repeatedly asking "Are we there yet?" like a child on a long road trip, we should try considering how far we've  already come from where we began.  The robots will come.  Eventually.

Meanwhile, there are tons of resources for the hobbyist interested in building and experimenting with robots.  I will be entering this realm in depth as soon as I can scrape together the time to research and figure out what I want to buy first and the money to be able to buy it.

So, where are all the robots?  Well, they are around.  Mostly in other countries.  But soon they will be coming to my house.  And possibly yours.  In the meantime, I will continue to explore, and hopefully post about, the underground robot revolution.

Power to the Promethians!

Movin' on Up (To the Least Side)

  
    I am moving at the end of November back to the place I once was.  I am moving to an apartment with an identical floor-plan to the one that I had previous the place I live now.  Same floor-plan but in a different apartment complex.
    I absolutely love this floor-plan.  The only thing I have against it is that the washer/dryer connections are outside, in the storage room on the patio.  But all the other great things about this apartment (I'll try not to bore you with them) easily make up for this minor inconvenience.
    So, why did I move out of this best of all possible apartment worlds?  Well, let me tell you.  The complex that housed the floor-plan I loved, was practically a drug and crime den.  There were several clues that should have alerted me to this.
    First, when we moved in, the rest of the building was empty.  And there were many empty units around the proximity of it.
    Second, our apartment backed up to a creek, which was, we thought, a rather nice feature.  Unfortunately, on the other side of the creek was another apartment complex.  This complex had a mobile police station, a "cop Winnebago" if you will, that would be parked on the property overnight.  Why?  Because this complex had one of the highest crime and murder rates of all the apartment complexes in Dallas.
    And last, but not least, not long after we moved in, we obtained a washer and dryer.  While hooking up the vent tubing, we found a used crack pipe in the outlet.  Remember, the utility connections were located outside the apartment in the storage facility on the patio.
    Now, this may sound funny after reading all this but, this was not really considered a bad neighborhood.  For some reason, though, this tiny section of the neighborhood, encompassing these two apartment complexes, acted as some sort of haven for drug addicts and dealers.  A sort of town guild for the illicit drug profession.
    So, as soon as our 12 month lease was up, we high-tailed it out of there to the peaceful confines of Mckinney, a quiet, but fast growing community just north of Dallas.  And we have loved it here for most of the 4 years we've been here.  Only recently, about a year or so, have things begun to spiral downward from happiness towards despair.
    Most of the reason has to do with a major turnover of residents in and around our building.  While some of the new neighbors, like the ones right next door to us are very friendly and considerate, a good portion of them are loud, rude, and trashy.  While one or two bad apples don't spoil the whole bunch, they can sure make the apple cart smell rancid.
    So the great move adventure begins, as they all do, with the worst part of it all -- packing.  Man, I really hate packing.  Generally, because there is so much of it to do.  You see, the glorious Mrs. B is a bit of a hoarder.  Everybody has their vice.  This is hers. She keeps everything she ever gets under the premise that "she's going to use it someday."  Well, as we all know, "someday" rarely ever comes and if it does, the thing we kept is so old and out of style that we don't want to use it anyway.
    In her defense though, she has done a valiant job of trying to downsize.  It's just that it is not quite enough.  It is like the old adage of pissing on a forest fire.  But at least she's trying.
    Why am I telling you all this, you ask?  No reason really.  Just my way of procrastinating.  Which is my best vice.